RadKid.Org Blog

Dear Ken,
 
My husband and I have been raising our almost 5 year old grand daughter since she was 9 months old, and luckily, we did a lot of caretaking for her from birth. She has been dx w/ RAD and PTSD (both at the mild end of the spectrum). I am a certified teacher and did home and community based mental health work w/ children and families for six years. During this time, I worked w/ and received training about many mental health disorders including RAD. Because of my training and realizing that my daughter was not working on her recovery program to stay clean and sober, I began working w/ Casie regarding feelings and coping from birth. Some extenuating circumstances allowed my husband and/or I to stay home w/ Casie for well over a year after she came to live w/ us full time. We also have a wonderfully supportive family and neighborhood. We started working w/ an attachment therapist shortly after Casie turned 2. With all of these supports and because she is one of the bravest kids we know, Casie has done a lot of healing. When we did have to both return to work two years ago, we found a wonderful registered in-home daycare provider that was very open to working w/ us and using strategies provided by us and the therapist.

Our biggest concern now comes as Casie enters the public school system. Also, I work as an alternative teacher in a public school and see several children that have either been dx w/ RAD or exhibit many of the signs but don’t yet carry the label. Do you have any answers about how to best support radkids within the public school community and or of resources available to the parents and/or teachers about this issue? I really want to be as preventative and proactive as possible w/ both my child and my students.

Thank you for this site and for any help you can offer on this specific topic.
 
Linda, James, and Casie

Linda, first I’d like to say that it sounds like you’ve done some wonderful work, and I can fully appreciate your fears that her steps forward will be set back as a result of the public school system. I wish that I had better answers, but my own experience with the public school system was not a good one. Had we left our nephew there, we would have probably found ourselves in trouble due to the gullibility of some of our nephew’s teachers, as well as the school counselor. While I have little doubt that they were, for the most part, well-intentioned, our nephew ran circles around them with his manipulation.

Not only did it seem that a week’s worth of work could be undone in one day of school, but we were having to spend as much time afterschooling him as we’d spend homeschooling him, since he wasn’t doing any of it in school. Of course, we were new at attachment parenting and still believed that his passing or failing was our responsibility, a belief that he took full advantage of.

Seldom, in our encounters with public school personnel, were we treated as if we were anyone other than irresponsible parents who needed help from the experts, and it didn’t help that some of these “experts” were barely twenty years old.

After his first semester with us, we took him out of public school and elected to homeschool him instead. Although difficult and rarely any fun, it was easier and far less stressful than having him in public school. In his sophmore year of high school, we enrolled him in a small Christian school, where he could work at his own pace and have nearly one on one supervision. Even then, there were some problems but both he and we had made some significant strides by that point in his life.

These were our experiences, and yours may be entirely different. For one thing, our nephew was already twelve when he came to live with us, and was soon facing the normal stresses of adolescence on top of the difficulties of reactive attachment disorder.

To answer your question the best I can, the most important thing that you, as a parent, could get from the public school system could be achieved if school personnel would be willing to listen to you, or to learn about reactive attachment disorder rather than permitting themselves to be manipulated. We received this, with some exceptions, from the Christian school that our nephew later attended, but not at all from the public school. By the time we received a telephone call from the public school, the person calling had already made up his or her mind that we were at fault, and in need of professional guidance.

On her site, Nancy Thomas has a sample letter that can be sent to a child’s teacher that gives far more help that I could give. I would suggest reading that carefully, and perhaps using it as a guide to preparing a similar letter to your child’s teacher.

– ken

I was doing some research on RAD and came across your site. I really don’t know about forums or how to participate. Briefly, we have four adopted children through foster care, one who is now 16 (came to our home at age 8, adopted at 11) but out of our home currently for a year. He is a “poster child” for RAD. The other children are ages 4, 5 and 6. The six year old was recently also diagnosed with RAD. The latter three are siblings. We would appreciate any advice, literature, etc. Thanks. Lynn.

It sounds like you have your hands full. Many of the things that worked so well for us were effective, at least in part because we had only the one child. However, you are certainly not alone in raising more than one child with reactive attachment disorder, and that is why I always suggest a support group. People living in some parts of the country are fortunate enough to have a local support group which meets in person on a regular basis, providing not only support for whatever time period the group meets, but also a source of actual people who you can turn to for advice or help. You won’t find these groups in the telephone listings though, so it often requires some research. A good place to start might be any foster or adoption agencies or groups near you.

I was a foster parent for several years but I provided short term care, most often for only a day or two, the longest being seven months, except for the one boy who I adopted. That’s another story, but I know that as a foster parent, I had very little power over what was done with these children – or what treatment, if any, they receive. That changes upon adoption, but I still had connections within the foster parent program that I could turn to for advice or if I were seeking resources. I was living in Southern California then, so there was a lot available; this is not the case in many other parts of the country. You might contact someone you know within the foster parent program to see if they know of any local support groups that you could turn to. In larger population areas, there are probably such groups available, the problem being finding them. In rural or smaller communities, there may be no local support groups to turn to.

You might also call whichever of the larger attachment centers is nearest you, and request a referral from them. Attach.org has a list of registered attachment therapists and centers that might be helpful to you in finding someone to call.

You mention a diagnosis of reactive attachment disorder, at least for the six year-old. Is this child currently receiving attachment therapy? If not, then your first effort should be in finding an attachment therapist who can be both a source of help for your child and a resource for yourself. Attachment parenting is very important, but this works best when it is done in conjunction with attachment therapy, rather than in lieu of it. If your child is in therapy, ask your therapist for help in locating a support group, getting as much out of the resources you already have as you can.

In either case, many people have found online support forums to be very helpful, and particularly those who actively participate in the discussions. There are others online, but one that I am personally familiar with, having founded it several years ago, is the Reactive Attachment Disorder Forum on Delphiforums.com. While I am still involved with this forum, its leadership has been taken over by some other very capable folks. Not only might they be able to provide you with much of the support that you need, but someone there might be able to help you find something locally, as well.

Delphiforums requires registration in order to participate in it, but they do offer a free registration. Paying a small annual fee, which goes to the hosting company and not to the group, removes advertising from your screen and makes for a less confusing forum experience. You can also enter the forum as a guest, which will allow you to read but not participate in the forum. To participate, you can register, using either the free or pay options, both of which will allow you to participate in forum discussions, and to do so anonymously. If you decide on an annual payment option, you might want to upgrade your account through the link that is found in lower portion of the main page of the site, where it says UPGRADE THROUGH THIS FORUM, since a percentage of your payment will then go toward the expenses of the forum itself.

Once registered, you can read and reply to messages posted by others there, or you can start a topic of your own – a good place to start being an introductory post, in which you may (and should) retain your anonymity, but describe your situation. Others will respond, and you can go on from there. Or you can start a topic (called a thread) based on some more specific thing that you are looking for help with. The majority of the participants in that forum are parents of children with reactive attachment disorder, but there are also mental health professionals, educators, and social service people there, as well as adults who themselves had been diagnosed with reactive attachment disorder as a child, many of which can provide insight, support, suggestions, and other resources.

There are a lot of books on the subject, including many very good ones that I have not read. Based on the books that I have read, I would suggest, as a start:

When Love Is Not Enough, by Nancy Thomas; and
99 Ways to Drive Your Child Sane, by Brita St. Clair

There are others of course, but these are, in my opinion, the best start.

– ken

Hello,

I am doing some therapeutic work with kids in foster care, some of whom display characteristics of RAD from time to time. I am most familiar with the side of RAD in which kids do not attach really to anyone and where most (perhaps all) people do not seem to be able to make any meaningful connection to them.

I am quite less familiar with the side of RAD in which kids seemingly attach to anyone and everyone yet, when explored, also really aren’t attaching to anyone. I have been referred a client where this is possible going on. At first, I honestly looked right past this possibility specifically because she seemed to engage. It is possible though that I am seeing an indiscriminate engaging.

Resources about for dealing with the distant sort of attachment. I am not having much luck finding resources about how to help manage the indiscriminate engaging. Any suggestions?

It is fine with me if you want to make this a blog posting. I appreciate any help you may be able to offer.

Geoff Fische, LISW-S
Clinical Social Worker

Thanks for writing. Children who are unable to attach even to those closest to them, and those who will readily attach to perfect strangers are the same kids. Every child is an individual, so this won’t necessarily apply to every child with attachment disorder, but many of them are very good at putting on a public face, as we called it. To strangers, they might seem to be both intelligent and engaging, and that is very true of many of them. They can pour on the charm, and if an adult shows them kindness, they are quick to warm up to them. To be honest, I don’t know if it’s all an act, or if they’re fooling themselves as well, but they are quick to determine that this new adult is the best thing that ever happened to them, and their parents are even worse in comparison.

This honeymoon period will continue until shortly after the new adult begins acting like a parent, and usually longer if the adult is a man, since most children with reactive attachment disorder are hardwired to hate their mothers, and any woman who tries to parent the child will soon find herself in that role.

Adults in the child’s life who seldom have to assume a role of authority over the child may never see the other side of the coin, and will be truly perplexed as to why anyone would be having any trouble with this wonderful kid. Neighbors, people in church, other kid’s parents, and social workers who don’t understand the diagnosis of reactive attachment disorder might fall into this category.

For the first month that our nephew was with us, we couldn’t understand why his mother was having so much trouble with him. He was a smart kid, very witty, and with an impressive vocabulary for a twelve year-old, or even for someone much older. Considering that he had met me only once before in his life, it seemed that he was perhaps just a little overly affectionate but, at the same time, I was happy that we were getting along so well. Of course, we weren’t making a lot of demands on him. All of that changed once we did, although he tried very hard to maintain a good relationship with me, hoping to pit me against my wife. He succeeded a few times too, even after he had been diagnosed.

We’ve done respite care for other kids with reactive attachment as well, and none of them were much of a problem the first couple of times that we had them over. Once they realized that our role was to parent them, we’d see the other side of the coin.

Again, not every child is the same. How each child will react to an attachment disorder may depend in part on the child’s native intelligence and other factors, as well. Some kids have better public faces than others. Our nephew was a bright kid, one who was able to size someone up; within minutes of meeting someone for the first time, he would be able to know their weaknesses well enough to have established a plan for manipulation. Anyone who he couldn’t use was irrelevant to him, and didn’t matter.

You won’t find very many books expressly written to deal with the child who readily with others because it’s not a true attachment, and it’s not generally the side that parents and therapists see, except for those who the child is able to manipulate.

Some books that might be helpful include:

Attachment-focused Family Therapy, by Daniel A. Hughes
Without Conscience: The Disturbing World of the Psychopaths Among Us, by Robert D. Hare
More than Love: Adopting and Surviving Attachment Disorder Children, by Sherril M Stone
Attachments: Why You Love, Feel, and Act the Way You Do, by Tim Clinton and Gary Sibcy

– ken

Hi! My name is Terri. I have an 8 year-old daughter and we live next door to a family with a 9 year-old daughter with attachment disorder. It is so frustrating to be here and want to help, but not sure how to do that. The girls play (when she is allowed) and she is, of course, fine here.

When she returns home the screaming and fighting starts. My daughter is confused, and we would do anything to help; just don’t know what to do. Any suggestions? They are very private and have just in the last year even told us of the condition. I have researched it a bit; Will this have any effects on my daughter that I should watch for?

Thank you – Terri

As a neighbor, the best thing that you can do to help is to avoid getting caught up in the likely attempts that the girl will make to pit you against her mother. This might seem obvious, but they can be very convincing – so much so that it was difficult sometimes for me not to doubt, or second-guess my own wife, as our nephew was trying to triangulate. Most children with reactive attachment disorder are highly invested in making their mothers look bad – and by that, I mean whoever is filling that role, often not a biological mother. In doing so, they become experts at persuading other adults who they come into contact with that the mother is the real problem, not them. In doing so, they will enlist teachers, other adult relatives, people in church, and neighbors. This may explain the family’s privacy concerns.

Other than that, there is little that you can do as a neighbor. Not knowing how close you might be, if you are a friend who really wants to help, you might be able to learn to provide respite care. You’ve mentioned that the girl acts fine when she’s at your house, which is typical of children with reactive attachment disorder. However, I promise you that if you were to take on a parental role with this girl, that would all change.

Children with reactive attachment disorder, like those without it, are individuals so, while they will have many characteristics in common, they’re not all the same. We could send our nephew to a regular summer camp for a week without expecting any major problems, as he could maintain a public face among people he didn’t know very well for that long, but he couldn’t make it through a two-week session. At some point, whoever he viewed as taking on an authoritative position over him would take on the mother role in his mind, triggering the hatred and everything that goes with it.

Other kids can’t make it that long. We provided respite care for another child with reactive attachment disorder in our town. The first few times that he was with us, other than a few sneaky things that he felt the need to try to get away with, he wasn’t much of a problem. Eventually, however, he began to view my wife as a mother figure, and all of that changed, and we began to dread having him over.

Interestingly, although we first met this family when our nephew brought this kid home with him shortly after coming to live with us, they came to dislike one another. Although it has nothing to do with what we’re talking about here, I watched them trying to put a bicycle together from parts one day, and there was absolutely no conversation or communication of any sort between them, as if each was one to the other and saw no reason to keep up a pretense of human relationship.

Getting back on topic, if you have a friendly relationship with your neighbor, ask her if there is anything that you can do. Offer to be there for her as a friend, if nothing else; then do your best not to be judgmental, and certainly give the woman the benefit of ever doubt, and even to points where there might appear to be no doubt. These kids are that good at pitting other adults against their parents, and particularly their mother.

As with other disorders, there are degrees to reactive attachment disorder, so it’s hard to know what to warn you about. While most children with reactive attachment disorder are not dangerous, some of them are. My suggestion would be to put your own daughter first, and listen to her if she tries to tell you that she no longer wants to be friend with the girl next door, and don’t force a continuation of their friendship beyond the point where your daughter is comfortable with it.

– ken

Ken,

I have a stepson whose mother left him for good at the age of 2. His grandparents and father raised him up until he was 6. Then Grandpa died, and I became more of a mother figure, marrying his father when he was 7. We have been living together since january of 2004. He is now 10 years old.

His behavior has gotten worse and now he has started smoking, even when he hated it before when his father used to smoke; who quit a year and a half ago.

We were actually going to get him tested for ADHD, but then when he started smoking (months before we knew about it) I started looking at more of the other issues, like manipulation, ridiculous lying, his sweet outer look and his need to control other kids. He has the need to play video games all the time (we DO NOT own one) that he will find kids that have them to play with them, he does not care about the kids. I am still getting him tested with the psychologist, and will mention this RAD to him and see what he thinks. What advice can you give in how to deal with this.

He scares me, now that I have a 3 month old, do you think he will resent her and hurt her? Can you give me some advice on punishments or how to work with him. What are some methods that work with this disorder.

We need all the help we can get. THanks for your website.

Lynda Hasse

Lynda, you’re asking for more than I can answer in a letter, but I can give you some suggestions, for whatever they’re worth. Your description of his behavior is characteristic of reactive attachment disorder, but of course you’ll need a diagnosis from someone who has looked at a larger picture. If it turns out that he does have RAD, it’s not at all unlikely that he also has ADHD, as that is often a component of the disorder, as well as oppositional defiant disorder, post traumatic stress disorder, and a number of other problems which sometimes represent symptoms of a larger disorder.

One of the first things we did with our nephew, after he came to us at the age of twelve, was to rule out video games. Like your stepson however, he would often find ways and places in which to play them, anyhow. That used to upset us, but then we realized that it’s counter productive to make rules that cannot be enforced, or to get upset over anything that we cannot control, as this simply makes the parent’s life more complicated, and gives power to the child’s disorder.

Try to limit his access to video games, but when you find that he has played one anyhow, start thinking of it in such a way that he is in trouble, not for playing the video game, but because you found out that he had played a video game. Start thinking of it that way too, as that will come in handy in other areas as well.

Let me explain. If he has reactive attachment disorder, his interest in playing video games has less to do with playing the game as with being able to defy your rule against playing the video game. Everytime he is able to do something that he isn’t supposed to do, that gives him power. While it is good to limit his access to people and places where he can defy that rule, you don’t always have full power over every facet of his life, and wherever your power is weak, his is strengthened. In fact, I think it’s healthy to think of it as his disorder that is given power, not him. You don’t want your son to be weakened, you want to weaken the power of his disorder. It may be a matter of semantics, but I think it helps to put things into perspective.

If you can think of the bad things that he does as the disorder, then you can consider that if you can help him to make better choices, you will be empowering him to take control from his disorder. You don’t want to break him, but to strengthen him to win a fight against his disorder. If you can think of it that way, it will put you in the right frame of mind.

Anyhow, if he manages to find a way to play video games despite your rule against it, don’t let it worry you. Defying you is more important to him than playing the video game, and in order for that to give him the power he craves, he needs you to know that he has done it. When the consequences are for your finding out that he has played the video game, rather than for his having played the video game, that forces him to either lose the extra power that he receives from openly defying the rule, or pay the consequences, the end result being that playing the video game is not as much of a win for his disorder as it would be if it left you frustrated.

That’s the other part. Try not to let it frustrate you. Instead, empathize. Empathy confuses him, and that gives you power. When he finds a way, as he will, to let you know that he has played a video game without permission, rather than getting angry, say something like, “You know, I’m really sorry that I found out about that because now I’m going to have to give you a consequence.”

Yes, his disorder was still able to derive some power by defying your rule against playing a video game, but you couldn’t control that anyhow. By not getting angry, but still giving him a consequence, you rob his disorder of the greater power that comes from angering you. It also forces him into an important exercise in consequences, as he decides whether to keep it hidden from you, thus avoiding the consequences but losing the additional power that comes from shoving it in your face. Obviously, he won’t always make the right choice but the thought process is helpful.

There should be no punishments; only consequences, and as much as possible, the consequences should relate to the offense. Again, that might seem like a matter of semantics but it’s an important one. Don’t simply use the words, referring to a punishment as a consequence, but start thinking of it that way. Also, don’t feel as if you need to issue the consequence immediately after learning of the offense, since they shouldn’t be derived from anger. In the real world, none of us is capable of doing this right all the time, so don’t kick yourself too often or too hard for screwing up.

Another thing about consequences. They don’t have to be difficult, and shouldn’t be harsh. Remember, they are not punishments. The purpose of a consequence is to help your son to make proper associations, not to punish him. Punishment simply reinforces his idea that you’re a terrible person who hates him. Another purpose of a consequence is that it gives you power, taking it from your son’s disorder. Of course, that’s only the case if you can follow through on it. An easy consequence has the same effect as a harsh one, even more so in that the harsh one might punish you as much as it does him, such as restricting him to his room for a month. Once made, a consequence should generally be followed through. Once he gets a little healthier, that may not always be the case, but you’ll be best served by never imposing consequences that are unreasonable, or which you cannot follow through on.

99 Ways to Drive Your Child Sane has some excellent ideas. You can build on them to such a point as to even be able to have fun with it sometimes, although be careful that it’s not in a gloating way. Remember that his disorder is given power when you are angry. It’s easier said than done, but a healthy endeavor, nevertheless.

As for your fears for the safety of your baby, they are valid fears. However, not all children with reactive attachment disorder are dangerous in that way. I think it’s fair to say that most children with reactive attachment disorder are not dangerous, but some of them are, and that makes your concern valid. When my nephew was diagnosed and I learned more about reactive attachment disorder, I was concerned for my cats. As it turned out, my nephew never harmed my cats. I don’t think he ever quite understood the feelings that someone might have for a cat, but he never hurt them.

My suggestion is to find a psychologist who is comfortable with a diagnosis of reactive attachment disorder, and get a diagnosis. Some mental health professionals, for some reason, seem to go way out of their way to avoid making a diagnosis of reactive attachment disorder, even as they’re tripping over it. If you have a diagnosis of RAD, find an attachment therapist, and ask him (or her) these questions.

– ken

Dear Ken,
 
I just happened upon your website. I wish that I had happened across it about three years ago. I have forwarded an email that I sent to Dan Hughes tonight. I’ve never met the man but have heard wonderful things about him. I have three of his books and find them extremely interesting. My husband and I need some help. We really live in the middle of nowhere. Not a lot of access to a lot of places or things. All I have is a very slow computer and a mental health agency that I am forced to use because of the county we live in. Not that any groundbreaking RAD treatment is going on in the state of Vermont anyway. I am a nurse who can’t work because I need to be here with all of these guys. My husband is self employed and works himself to death. The two boys who are in residential settings need therapeutic foster placement. We don’t have that here. Even if we did have it, we have no way to really pay for it. Do you have any suggestions at all for us in that regard. I guess you need to read my email to Mr. Hughes before I start interjecting all sorts of things.
  
Elaine Jacobs
Rochester, Vermont

It would be an understatement to say that you have your hands full, Elaine. I won’t reprint your letter to Dr. Hughes here, but I have read it. Taking in five children with diagnoses that include reactive attachment disorder is, to be honest, more than I could handle, and with four kids of your own, things are complicated further. I won’t say that it can’t be done, and I’m not entirely certain that I wouldn’t be able to do it, but I do know that it’s not something I’d voluntarily enter into. Of course, you were left with no easy way out.

By now, you’ve probably heard from Dr. Hughes. I’ve met him a couple of times, as we’re from Maine, and our nephew was treated by an attachment therapist who worked closely with Dr. Hughes. I don’t know this for certain, but feel confident that Dr. Hughes has contacts in Vermont. That doesn’t solve the money problem however, and I wish I could say that I have a solution for that.

ATTACh, which is sort of a clearinghouse for attachment therapists, shows one therapist registered with them in the state of Vermont. Her name is Deborah Shell, and she’s in St. Albans, Vermont. Her listed email address is debshell_vt@yahoo.com. If you go to the ATTACh web site, you’ll find a couple of telephone numbers for her as well. Even if she’s too far from you, there’s always a chance that she can refer you to someone nearer.

Meanwhile, there is an excellent online support group on Delphiforums, known simply as the Reactive Attachment Disorder Forum. Someone there might be able to provide further assistance.

– ken

I tried to view the RAD quiz and it will not display.

Thank you very much
 
Nikki

Yes, so I see. I’m not sure what happened to it, but it’s not on the RadKid.Org server any longer, so I’ll assume that I must have mistakenly removed it at some point. When I get a chance, I’ll search my computer to see if I still have the file somewhere, and re-add it. Otherwise, I’ll write another one, but I can’t give you a time frame on that. Thanks a lot for letting me know.

– ken

Ken,

We live in Mid-Mississippi. Do you know of a support group or school close by? We have a 14 yo with RAD.

We have 3 other children: 12 yo, 8 yo and 5 yo daughter. The time commitment is so great just for him, that it leaves no time for the others. The 14 yo has already been inappropriate with his sister once. What would you recommend? Residential treatment is so expensive unless you are on Medicaid. What do you think of military academy?

Seeking the right answers for all of us,

Joan in Miss

Sometimes there are no easy answers, and this is one of them. While the fourteen year-old needs his family, whether he thinks so or not, it is also true that the younger kids need to be safe.

Generally, I don’t look upon residential treatment programs as being the best thing for kids with reactive attachment disorder. Although there are, no doubt, some good ones, an institution is the opposite of family, and attachment occurs best within a family. For these reasons, I don’t consider residential centers as being the best choice. However, if your efforts to provide a family for a fourteen year-old who will resist your every effort means sacrificing the safety and emotional well-being of three younger kids, then you have a hard choice to make.

Is your son in therapy right now? Is he seeing an attachment therapist? If so, have you spoken to your therapist about your options? Otherwise, I don’t know of an attachment therapist in Mississippi, which doesn’t at all mean that there aren’t any. Generally, attachment therapists don’t have web sites and many of them receive clients through word of mouth rather than advertising. A couple of good places to look for help is ATTACh, sort of a clearinghouse for attachment therapists and attachment centers, and you might try the Institute for Attachment and Child Development; although it is located in Colorado, Forrest Lien, who runs the center, has contacts throughout the country. Other possible sources of help include those who train therapists, as they probably retain records of people whom they have trained, and may know of someone near you. While there are certainly others, Dan Hughes and Nancy Thomas come to mind, but you might also consider some of the others who write the books, since they may also have the contacts.

Another suggestion is an online support group that my wife and I founded several years ago. While we are not very active in it anymore, it is one of the busiest attachment forums available, so there’s a good chanced that someone there might be able to help you.

Whatever decision you make, so long as you’ve done so for the right reasons, don’t waste a moment beating yourself up over it later.

– ken

Hi, Ken and Michelle!

I wanted to let you know that I LOVE your site. It has given hope to many people. I am sure. I also wanted to let you know that we have included a link to your web site on our own web site, The Loving Family.

I hope that this meets with your approval. WE are trying to get a message of hope out there to as many families as possible. I recently spoke at a home schooling seminar for parents of special needs kids, and RAD was definitely a big issue in many families. If you would prefer that we not include your link, please let me know.

Thanks for all you do!

Wendi Dicken

Wendi, thank you very much for reaching out to help others. Thanks also, for the link. I have included a listing for your site in the Parenting section of the RadKid.Org Directory, which will replacing the one that is currently connected to our site, as that one has proven to be too difficult to maintain.

In reviewing your site, I see that you feature a book, entitled I Am Adopted, by Mark Dicken-Bradshaw, whom I will assume is related to you. I will be adding that book to the book list on RadKid.Org, in the kids section. If you could send me a copy – used, new, or digital, it doesn’t matter – I would also review it for our newly created book review section. Alternatively, you could review it yourself, and send me the text, which I would publish there.

– ken

Dear Ken and Michelle,

Thank you so much for your website! It is hard to find really good information on RAD from someone who lives in my shoes! Most of what I have read is from a therapist – which is okay, but I wanted to know from someone who lives with it day in and day out.

I truly appreciate all the resources you have put together. I need to organize a support group in our area, but am emotionally tasked right now.

We have chosen to put our daughter into an in-patient program with a therapist who has dealt with RAD and borderline personality disorder as well, both which describe our daughter to a tee. She has personality plus, and the greatest sense of humor when she wants to; and then there is a side of her that would put Dr. Jeckel to shame.

Again, many thanks, we will check into the many books you reference as well as the techniques to help our daughter.

Lynn and Ted Snoll, adoptive parents of a very neglected child.

Lynn, Ted … Thank you so much for writing. I pray that everything will go well with your daughter, and that you will have her home again for the good times. I hope also, that you find our book section to be useful to you. It’s more comprehensive that some people would like but I hate to leave out a potentially helpful book just because I haven’t had the time to read it, or the money to buy it. May God bless, and keep you both, and your daughter as well.

– ken