I’ve been reading through your site and I think that my grandson might have an attachment disorder. We took him in a few years ago. He was not quite two years old then. I’m afraid he didn’t have an easy time of it his first years, since our daughter never married, wasn’t home much and wasn’t really much of a mother. I hate to say it but there were a lot of problems that I won’t go into.
Right off, we noticed that our grandson seemed so very independent for someone so young, almost like he hardly needed anyone. He didn’t cry but neither did he seem happy. But he wasn’t a problem either. Most two year olds are a bigger problem than he was, I think.
He’s seven now, and a lot has changed. He steals from us all the time. Fact is, he doesn’t seem even to be taking things that he wants. Stuff just disappears, and there’s no one else around who could be taking it. Some of it, we were able to find in his room but we have been finding things in the trash. He steals things just to throw them in the trash. A lot of it we never find again.
In five years, he has seldom wanted to be held or to sit next to anyone, and the only interaction he is interested in seems to be intended only to annoy. He talks but he doesn’t say anything, if you know what I mean. He asks questions, then walks away while I’m answering. When his grandmother, who has been his mother for most of his life, asks him for a hug, he stands stiff with his arms to his side.
I see a lot of him in what I have been reading on your web site. He hasn’t been violent though, nor has he shown much in the way of a temper. He has gotten angry but no more so than most kids. More than that, he just seems indifferent. He is perfectly okay lying on his bed doing nothing. Then he is up at night doing God knows what, since that is when things tend to disappear.
From your site, I think there’s a chance that he has an attachment disorder. The problem is that we live in Mississippi and I haven’t been able to find an attachment therapist. I looked in your list of therapists and don’t see anything for MIssissippi. I looked a couple of other places too, but don’t see anyone near us.
Do you have any suggestions?
Donald Whitman
Donald, I’ve already answered your email but if you should come across this here, you’ll notice that I’ve changed your name. For that sake of privacy, that’s a policy I’ve been using here.
The characteristics that you’ve described, as well as the background story, certainly sounds as if your grandson could be suffering from reactive attachment disorder. That’s not necessarily the case, however. You’ll need to get a diagnosis so that you can know just what you’re dealing with.
Unfortunately, Mississippi is one of only three states for which I haven’t been able to find an attachment therapist. The RadKid.Org Directory of Reactive Attachment Disorder Resources has nearly seven hundred listings, but none from Delaware, Mississippi or Wyoming.
That said, I can’t believe that there are no attachment therapists in the entire state of Mississippi. Mostly, my directory is a directory of web sites, and a lot of attachment therapists don’t have web sites. If I knew of an attachment therapist, I would add a listing for him or her in the RadKid.Org Attachment Therapist Directory, or invite them to add their own listing is our wiki-style AT directory, and then add the URL to that listing to the regular directory, the important thing being to help people like you find an attachment therapist when they need one.
If anyone reading this knows of an attachment therapist in Delaware, Mississippi or Wyoming, please let me know about it, or invite them to add their contact information to the RadKid.Org Attachment Therapist Directory, or get in touch with me if they’d like a regular web site.
Meanwhile, you need help. Given that we don’t know for a fact that your grandson suffers from reactive attachment disorder, and don’t yet know where to turn to if that proves to be the case, my suggestion is that you seek help from a qualified mental health professional. If I fear that I may be suffering from a heart problem, it wouldn’t be insensible for me to seek a diagnosis before I go looking for a heart specialist; unless of course, I knew of a good heart specialist nearby.
Since we don’t, it might be a good idea to get in touch with a mental health facility. Have your grandson diagnosed, and if the diagnosis is reactive attachment disorder, there is a chance that whoever makes the diagnosis will have a suggestion for you as to where to go from there. That’s not a perfect solution, since some mental health professionals are hesitant to diagnose patients with reactive attachment disorder, or provide attachment therapy.
Since children with reactive attachment disorder often suffer from a number of other problems as well, sometimes they will want to treat for associated problems rather than for the attachment disorder, usually without success.
If the diagnosis is reactive attachment disorder, both you and your wife should be a part of his therapy. If a therapist wants to see your grandson alone for therapy, that’s not attachment therapy.
Alternatively, you might want to contact an adoption support agency in Mississippi, if you know of one, or can find one. When I search on the phrase “Mississippi adoption support” in Google, several results come up. I don’t know whether any of them will pan out, but reactive attachment disorder is seen in adoption situations perhaps even more often than in kin-care situations, so an adoption support agency might be able to refer you to an attachment therapist.
Also, the support forum that I organized a few years back on Delphiforums.com may prove to be a resource for you. It’s free, and there’s always a chance that someone there might be able to refer you to someone. If nothing else, it’s an excellent source of information and support.
Please check back here every now and then, as someone may come around who knows of an attachment therapist in Mississippi. I’ll also try to remember to send it on to you, if that should occur.
Good luck, and may God bless!
– ken