What can I do that is fun, and that can throw her off guard?
Hi Ken,
Our adopted daughter has RAD. She has been with us for 2 years. We finally have an in-home therapist who understands her condition. However, she suggested doing something fun to throw her off guard. Any suggestions? Right now, she is confused by our calmness.
Thanks,
Tammy
Tammy, it sounds like you have a very good therapist since that’s an excellent suggestion. If you look at the left sidebar of this blog, near the top you’ll see a section called “Random Quotes” or something like that. Everytime you refresh your browser, it will display another quote – although most of them are not so much quotes as they are suggestions of things that a parent might try with their child, some of which I stole from my next suggestion, which is a book called “99 Ways to Drive Your Child Sane” by Brita St. Clair. It is a small, easy-to-read, but excellent book that is packed with good ideas that you can have fun with, and still be effective. That would be my strongest suggestion.
While it is difficult to sustain sometimes, the most effective thing that I found was to remain calm. Because the disorder in your child wants the opposite of calmness on your part, it’s never good to feed the disorder, although I think you can forgive yourself if you do once in awhile.
– ken
April 2nd, 2009 at 3:21 pm
I have a couple of things I do when I’m not feeling the creative juices flowing.
I crank up the music and have a dance party by myself in front of them (usually pulling out something I really enjoy – like “Baby Got Back”).
I place a cup against my mouth and suck in air until it sticks. Then I walk around like a robot.
When they are in crazy lying mode, sometimes I just squawk really loud each time they lie … like that horrible sound of feedback you get when you place a microphone by an amplifier.
Sometimes I just start singing to them, using something weird as a “microphone” (like a candle or the TV remote). Some of my favorite songs are “You’ve Lost that Loving Feeling,” “You are My Sunshine” and “Forever and Ever, Amen” (that old Randy Travis song).
I’ve been known to run outside and run around the house declaring my love for my children.
When they ask a nonsense question or are chattering non-stop, I just say, “Yeah, I thought you smelled like a pickle.” Adapted that from “99 Ways to Drive Your Child Sane.” Ken is so very right. That book rocks the Casbah.
April 5th, 2009 at 7:09 pm
The new book, Treating Complex Traumatic Stress Disorder, edited by Christine Courtois and Julian Ford, The Guilford Press, NY, 2009, supports the various elements, principles, and techniques of Dyadic Developmental Psychotherapy. The chapter on family therapy approaches states, “Meta-analytic studies have found family based treatments to be more effective than treatment as usual (TAU)…The strongest evidence for the efficacy of family therapy for traumatic stress disorders is provided by studies with families of traumatized toddlers and preschool- or early elementary school-aged children.” pp394-395.
The book describes the importance of affect regulation, focusing on attachment relationships in treatment, attention to developmental level and processes, emotional regulation, titrated exposure to traumatic memories, therapeutic alliance, intersubjectivity, and other topics that are core principles and methods of Dyadic Developmental Psychotherapy. It is heartening to find additional support for the use of DDP in the treatment of attachment and trauma disorders.
The book describes practice principles for treating children with complex traumatic stress disorder which are quite consistent with previous material published about DDP over the last several years:
1. Safety First
2. A relational bridge must be developed to engage, retain, and maximally benefit the child and caregiver(s).
3. Diagnosis, treatment planning, and outcome monitoring are always relational.
4. Diagnosis, treatment planning, and outcome monitoring are always strengths-based.
5. All phases of treatment should aim to enhance self-regulation competencies.
5a. Emotional regulation.
5b. Attention, memory, decision making (information processing).
5c. Self-regulation of consciousness and motivation.
5d. Bodily self-regulation.
5e. Relational self-regulation.
6. Determining with whom, when, and how to address traumatic memories.
7. Preventing and managing relational discontinuities and psychosocial crises.
from pages 67-78.
As described and elaborated in the book, these principles have also been previously described and elaborated on in various publications about DDP (several books and journal articles).
May 13th, 2009 at 4:45 pm
I would like to be added to the therapist web site in Alabama. I have attended a two week intensive with Dr. Gregory Keck and associates and continue to work with children with attachment disorders. Please visit my web site at atchisoncounseling.com to learn more about me.
Debra Atchison, Ed.D.
June 2nd, 2009 at 7:30 am
Ken,
I just found your blog through Christine at Welcome to my Brain. I edit a small newsletter for adoptive/foster families most who do not have internet access (for the most part we are conservative Mennonite and Amish families) anyway….there are some articles on your web site that I would love to show/print in the newsletter for them to read. Who do I contact for information…I couldn’t find your e-mail address
Chris
June 3rd, 2009 at 11:06 pm
Sorry for my delay in replying, and the lack of new stuff here recently. I have moved back to Maine from North Carolina and things are still a little up in the air here. Packed away in boxes might be a better way of putting it, actually.
Debra Atchison, I will be adding your site to both my RadKid.Org Directory and to the RadKid.Org Attachment Therapists Directory. Thank you for letting me know about it.
Chris Weaver, you have my permission to use whatever you like, as long as you attribute it. My email address is ken@radkid.org
I am, by the way, a Mennonite. Although it has been many years since I have lived near enough to a Grace Brethren Church, I do still consider myself to be a Brethren. While I have never been Amish, I grew up near an Amish colony in Michigan and currently live near the Amish colony in Smyrna, Maine. I am fairly well familiar with the Amish.
– ken